Talking Bollocks - Ep.10: Birthdays!

For the big round number of Episode Ten, we're talking about birthdays. Which are also round numbers. Well, when the birthday is a round number. Which mine isn't. But it's still coming up on Thursday. Hence the theme. But naturally our discussion veers wonderfully off-topic, touching on Aardman Animation, Pride and Prejudice, lesbians, Josh's new condo and whether girls learn how to kiss by practising on each other. Which I still insist they do. And it's my birthday, so goddamit, I get to believe what I want.

For those of you who are new to Talking Bollocks, it's a talk show where Marilla and I interview each other every time, because nobody's given us a talk show yet. But I'm going to get one soon, because I think about it all the time. Just like that movie The Secret says to do. And yes, we touched on The Secret in this episode as well.

P.S. You'll also notice that the framing places Marilla front and centre, leaving me barely on the screen at all. Marilla claims this was an accident. But I suspect it reveals her true intentions for the show. Our "audient" Jenn, who was sitting right next to the camera, also somehow failed to correct the framing. Maybe I just won't bother showing up for the next episode and we'll see if anyone notices or cares. Although, I'm sure that little plan would backfire. Like every time I break up with a girl as a "test" and then they get married to someone else.

Mine was the funniest marriage proposal EVER!!!

I haven't produced anything new lately, so I figure in the spirit of environmentalism I'll "recycle" an older creative product, with the help of some fresh news on the subject from the site RecycledBride.com. This morning, I got a Facebook friend request with this very sweet attached message:

Tracy says, "Josh Rachlis, you rock. That Laurie David proposal was the funniest thing I've seen in ages. I blogged about it, check out my website, blah blah blah http://www.recycledbride.com/blog/ ...but most of all, get in touch if you're ever going to be in LA. I'd love to meet you and introduce you to a fantastic group of people. You are bound for great things! Best - Tracy (tracy@recycledbride.com)."

This makes me happy on a couple of levels. One, I want to visit L.A. before the end of the year, so this means I might actually have something to do while I'm there. And two, if you visit the link to her blog entry, which you can do by clicking here, you'll see that apparently my marriage proposal to environmentalist Laurie David was the funniest marriage proposal EVER!!! However, it was still unsuccessful. So, gentlemen, the lesson is, don't bother being funny with your marriage proposal. Although, I'm not sure what to recommend doing. My serious marriage proposals don't work either. Still, check out this site for "eco-savvy brides" if you're getting married soon. Which you likely will be if you dated me recently. Apparently anyone who dates me these days becomes engaged to someone else within 6 months. Which means that either they decide "I'll never meet someone as great as Josh. So I might as well marry the next guy who comes along." Or they decide "If that's what dating is like, I never want to date again. So I might as well marry the next guy who comes along." I prefer to think it's the former. Regardless, if you wanna get married fast, go on a date with me. Ladies, take a number!

P.S. Oh, and naturally the girl I stayed with when I was in LA last January is now engaged. (In fact, she met the guy while I was staying with her. I've got some serious powers, man!) So if you know of a cheap place to rent in LA, or if I can crash on your LA futon for a bit, lemme know!

Acting in iLane radio ad!

Here's me acting in a radio ad for iLane. I've got about 5 syllables in this baby, but I make them count. And, ever the copywriter, it was my brilliant idea to move my second line up into the middle of the announcer's speech, rather than after "...is his business." So, like, when you cast me in things, you get added value. Just sayin'. Anyway, iLane sounds pretty cool. When they come out with a version that I can attach to my Metropass or bike, I'm so there.

My (painful) Citytv Official Comedy Correspondent Audition

So here's my audition for the Citytv Official Comedy Correspondent Contest. You can view all the entries by clicking here. The rules: Discuss the comedic highlights of at least 2 shows from their new comedy line-up, all in under 60 seconds. I know what you're thinking: "Josh can do no wrong! He's always so hilarious! So this audition will be hilarious, too!" Well, maybe those of you who saw my U.N. Peace Day stand-up act aren't thinking that. But anyway, yes, this is going to be hilarious. But not in a good way. Allow me to explain (i.e. make excuses). I watched on Thursday, October 8, 2009. Normally on Thursdays, The Jay Leno Show would be preceded by the new show Community. Except on this night, for some reason there was a 30 Rock rerun before Jay Leno. But the big stumbling block was that I was dying of a bad cold. I could barely think straight, much less be funny. But the deadline was Friday, October 9 at 11:59 p.m. and so I had no choice but to make the video right then and there. None of my ramblings made much sense. But they made even less sense once I cut out enough words to boil it down to 60 seconds. What was cut out? Well, I talked about how Citytv comedy would make me feel good and thus help heal my cold. I talked about how I was wearing my correspondent fedora, complete with Citytv press pass in the ribbon, and how it's a very hard fedora because it's from the dollar store. I talked about how on this particular night not only did the comedy make me feel good because it was funny, it boosted my self esteem in many ways, which made me feel even better. For instance, seeing that Tina Fey can't get a boyfriend made me feel better about being a loser in the world of love. Then I talked about how in his opening monologue, Jay Leno mentioned a study where 70% of people surveyed said their first sexual experience was positive. So, you see, it all sort of made sense. But in my cold-addled haze, I didn't plan it out to fit properly into the 60 seconds. So I'm counting on you, dear fans... Okay, dear fan... Singular... Assuming there's even just one out there... to go to leave comments at the contest YouTube page and on the contest Facebook page to let Citytv know that normally I'm quite amusing and that they should watch my other videos and give me the prize just for being so generally awesome. Can you do that for me? No? Sigh. Oh well, it was worth a shot.

Watch Talking Bollocks-Ep.9: Being Famous

On my birthday last November, I gave myself one year to become famous. The year's almost done. So Marilla and I discuss what life will be like when we're famous. Areas covered include how to get involved in a sex scandal, George Clooney's alleged bisexuality and William Shatner's alleged girdle. This episode was filmed on Sept. 23, 2009. TALKING BOLLOCKS is a show born out of frustration - both Josh and Rill want to host a talk show. Until they get the gig, they're interviewing themselves. Find more of Marilla Wex at marillawex.com and more of Josh Rachlis at, um, well, here. Or youtube.com/joshrachlis.

Celebrity Josh - Ep.7: I find a celeb! Or do I?

After unsuccessfully combing the Toronto International Film Festival for a celebrity, I'm about to give up. When suddenly, I spot paparazzi. I spot a bodyguard. I spot... Could it be?? (For the whole saga from the beginning, visit www.YouTube.com/CelebrityJosh.)

Stand-up comedy at Green Party meeting for Day of Peace!

Sept. 21, 2009. The Green Party held a meeting for the U.N. International Day Of Peace. They asked me to do some green stand-up comedy and say something about peace. Little did they suspect, I'm actually against peace...

Celebrity Josh - Ep.6: Sexy guestlist girl!

It's hard to get into a nightclub on a regular night. Especially when you look like me. And when it's a celebrity party? Forget it. Unless, of course, you're blessed with the charm and quick-thinking of a natural born Celebrity Hunter. For the entire saga, visit www.YouTube.com/CelebrityJosh.

Celebrity Josh - Ep.5: Yorkville!

For my latest adventure at www.YouTube.com/CelebrityJosh, I learned top-secret info that when in Toronto, celebrities hang out in an area "Yorkville." So I went there and checked out the yellow restaurant called Sassafraz... Then the big rock that people sit on... And then finally decided to ask the public for help. Which isn't cheating. It's called "gathering intelligence."

Celebrity Josh - Ep.4: Working out in the gym!

Celebrities are in great shape. So surely they go to the gym. (This is the kind of razor-sharp deductive reasoning you need in order to be the best Celebrity Hunter.) So I went to a gym, hoping to spot celebrities working out while they were in town for the Toronto International Film Festival. While scoping out the gym, I did my patented Celebrity Hunter Workout®. Consult a physician before embarking on this grueling regimen. To follow the saga from the beginning, visit www.YouTube.com/CelebrityJosh.

Celebrity Josh - Ep.3: Practicing on non-celebrity bikini girl in hot tub!

Normally "Celebrity Hunting" involves just finding celebrities. But for this assignment, I have to talk to a celebrity and get them to try the Orville Redenbacher Select White Popcorn. So, while I was wandering around a hotel searching for celebrities, I decided to talk to a non-celebrity to practice my talking skills. This girl was nice enough to let me practice on her. And it was extra fortuitous, because a girl in a bikini in a hot tub is pretty much as close as you can get to being a celebrity without actually being a celebrity, right?

Celebrity Josh - Ep.2: Disguised as room service!

For my latest adventure at YouTube.com/CelebrityJosh, I decided to infiltrate a hotel. But I still had to come up with a way to get them to come to open their hotel room door and try the Orville Redenbacher Select White popcorn. I also had to figure out which room had a celebrity in it. Fortunately, I had my Celebrity Hunting knowledge to guide me...

Watch my new Celebrity Hunter show!

Didn't know I was a Celebrity Hunter? That's because I didn't have my own show. Until now! Check out the 1st episode of Celebrity Josh: The Celebrity Hunter below or by clicking here. On the show, I announce the big news that Orville Redenbacher is sponsoring me! Well, not really "sponsoring." More like "allowing." But let's not quibble over semantics. The important part is that I'm going to be going around the Toronto International Film Festival trying to find a celebrity so I can get them to try Orville's new Select White Popcorn. Stay tuned to www.YouTube.com/CelebrityJosh for my adventures!

Listen to me acting in a Zellers radio ad!

Apparently these Moonlight Madness sales bring in huge business to Zellers. Perhaps it's because of the great deals. But I prefer to think it's because I originally wrote the ads and continue to voice them. In any case, I think I should walk around a Zellers looking at prices while exclaiming: "That's MADNESS!" I think that will be a lot of fun until I get escorted out by security.

Read The Toronto Star article about my eco habit!

On a balmy day a few years ago around Bay Street, I spotted a guy in BMW sitting back and relaxing with the engine running and the windows open. I tossed one of my handmade brochures about the dangers of idling onto his passenger seat. A few blocks later, I heard a menacing voice say: "Hey, Treehugger." Then I felt a hand grab my arm and heard: "If you ever touch my car again, I'll kill you." This shook me up. But I was glad that he had to stop idling in order to come after me. Hopefully he will read this article in the Toronto Star today and feel bad about being mean to me. Or, he'll now know my name and will track me down to finish the job. Hmmm... Okay, never mind. That wasn't me with the idling brochure. Must have been some other devastatingly handsome, hairless fellow. The article is still about me, though. To read it, click here.

Watch me MC a Jewish/Arab peace concert!

May 31st, 2009. I was the Jew co-hosting a Jewish/Arab peace concert in Montreal with Arab comedienne Eman. There was beautiful music, dance and poetry performed by Jews and Arabs. An audience of open-minded people of all races and religions. And how did I choose to use this valuable opportunity to promote world harmony? I chose to shamelessly hit on Eman the entire time we were on stage. Shockingly, I got nowhere with her. But, on the bright side, it seems my hosting didn't quite cause Armageddon. Though, after the show a Palestinian psychologist asked me if I'd perform the same act at the opening of his new Jungian Psychology centre. So maybe I'll have a second chance to ignite a world war.

Click here an article that ran before the show.
Click here for the Montreal Dialogue Group that put on the show: http://www.dialoguegroup.org/
And click here for Eman, the Arab comedienne and future ex-Mrs. Rachlis.

This video is the introduction to the show. Eman and I did little jokes in between the acts, too. I'll post those if anyone wants to see them. Aw heck, who am I kidding? I'll post them regardless.

Listen to me acting in a Walmart radio ad!

Me as "Student 1" in a Walmart radio ad. I start off cool, but then I'm exposed for being a loser. Just like when I was actually in university. Without the cool part.

Listen to me acting in a radio ad for Drenched Water Ski Fest!

Below is me as "Guy 2" in a radio ad for Drenched, a pretty awesome-sounding water ski festival in Alberta. Water skiing was actually my favourite activity at summer camp, so this is especially meaningful to me. Even though I have no idea what I'm saying in the ad. Okay, that's not true. At the session, they told us what the dialogue means. But for the audition, my co-star - Scott Gorman - and I were clueless. But I guess it worked for us, because we auditioned together and we both got chosen for the spot! That's some magical chemistry there. They even wound up using our little improvised bit at the end. That growling was my idea. And guess what? Turns out Scott acted in A Midsummer Night's Dream with my sister Naomi a few years ago. So this guy is pretty much part of the family. The brother I never had. The son I'll never conceive. The husband I'll never... Okay, you get the idea. Oh, and a "hungry sea lion" is a cougar.

I've illustrated the James Ready Beer Newsletter! (Twice!)

The good folks at James Ready Beer are doing everything they can to keep their beer costing just a buck a bottle. That means cutting expenses around the factory. So when their old computer printer broke recently, they had to find another cheap way to publish their popular in-case newsletter. And nothing's cheaper than, well, me. So I drew their newsletter. I took the liberty of adding a few of my own personal flourishes and I guess people liked them, because I was asked to draw the next newsletter too. (Anyone know a cheap printer repair guy? My hand's starting to cramp up.)

Watch Talking Bollocks, Episode 8: Marriage

Josh interviews Rill about what it's like to be married. Josh talks about his thoughts on marriage, too. It's funny, but also touching. Like when in the 80's, you'd have a serious issue on a sitcom and the ads for it would say: "A very special episode of Family Ties." That's what this is. A very special episode of Talking Bollocks. Filmed on June 14, 2009. To view it, click here.

"Talking Bollocks" is a chat show born out of frustration - both Josh and Rill want to host a talk show. Until they get the gig they're interviewing themselves. This week they have a studio audience. Well, Josh's friend Jocelyn. So more of an audient. For more of these fabulous hosts, visit Marilla Wex at www.marillawex.com and Josh Rachlis at www.youtube.com/JoshRachlis