I'm hosting a Come Date With Me Canada party

To celebrate the premiere of Come Date With Me Canada, I've partnered with The Pipers Pub & Grill for a screening night when the episode airs for the first time. Now, of course it sounds like a great show. I mean, combine the drama of hosting dinner parties with the thrills of pursuing a woman and you can see why W Network picked up the show. But still, why do I care so much? Because I'm one of the contestants in this premiere episode. You can see the official pub poster below. And you can join the Facebook invite by clicking here. I can't reveal whether I wind up betrothed at the end of the episode. But I can promise you that, either way, I'll give you an autograph. I just might not be allowed to sign any body parts.

I learned how to make a green smoothie

Here's me learning how to make a smoothie that will turn my body even more Daniel Craigish than it already is. (Hard to believe I could get any more James Bond, I know.) I probably should have cut this down to a pithy 5 minutes. But everything Lisa Labute, the founder of The Goods, taught me was so useful that I wanted you to have all the, um, goods.

I made a video spoofing focus groups

Josh Fokas is the #1 focus group moderator in the world. According to his research.

Here's the real story: A client of the ad agency I work at is having a big meeting to train employees on how to do consumer research, and they thought it would be fun to open with a humourous video about what not to do when running focus groups. There wasn't much of a budget. So my ad agency assigned me the project. I wrote a script, took my camcorder to the office and acted in the video along with some innocent co-workers who got pulled into it. The client thinks the video is hilarious. But I'm secretly hoping that some people don't realize it's a joke and hire me to be a focus group moderator. I think I'd be good at it. And I could sure use some egg salad sandwiches.

I'm the 63rd best copywriter in Canada

Each year, Strategy Magazine publishes their Creative Report Card, where they rank the country's advertising creatives based on the number of awards they've won that year. You can see the full list by clicking here. This year, my name was in the credits on enough award-winning pieces to land me at #63 on the Copywriter list. Which is pretty good. But my mom says that on her list, I'm #1. Which is even better. (Ok, she didn't say that. But I like to believe she's thinking it.)

I told Humble & Fred Radio what not to tell a girl in bed

What idiot would screw up guaranteed sex by telling the girl he's in bed with that she reminds him of an unattractive 80's sitcom actress? I would. Here's me telling Humble & Fred Radio the tragic tale today.

Humble & Fred contributor Kelly Cutrara, hiding her morning face. I wish I had hair and/or a woman to hide my face behind, too.

Watching Humble & Fred do their thing, mere moments before I was unexpectedly invited into that empty chair to chat with them on air.

I'm being followed by CBC Radio's As It Happens

CBC Radio's As It Happens just started following @joshrachlis. And I wasn't  even following them. Uh oh. Am I about to be in the news for something? What did I do after my friend Jess made me drink almost an entire glass of wine last night? Must... try... to... remember...

I wrote the Special K cereal box

Last night while shopping for overpriced cereal in a variety store, I started reading the Special K box and thought, "Wow, this writer really understands women." And then I realized I wrote that box. Sigh. If only I could translate my understanding women into, say, getting a woman to like me.

I gave a speech at my friend's memorial

In January 2012, Philip Kates, my friend of ten years, passed away from liver cancer. He was a commercial director I met when I hired him to shoot a Maple Leaf Chicken commercial that I wrote. His funeral was in Alberta, where he was living with his wife. A few weeks later there was a memorial in Toronto. I got some laughs during my improvised speech. And I think Philip would have been very pleased about that. To watch Philip and I talking to the audience about our film at the HollyShorts Film Festival in August 2010, see my old blog post about that by clicking here. And here's the speech I gave at his memorial:

Philip and I meeting fans at the HollyShorts Film Festival in LA in August 2010, for the premiere of 3 Dates, a film that I wrote and he directed.

Feb. 17, 2012 At the Toronto memorial for Philip Kates.

Feb. 17, 2012 At the Toronto memorial for Philip Kates.

From those dates, you can see how old he was. Funny, I always thought he was younger.

I told my trashed apartment story on DNTO

The January 12, 2013 episode of CBC Radio's DNTO (Definitely Not The Opera) was about "How are you managing your debt?" (To see the web page for that episode, click here.) I was on the show telling the story about how I rented out my old condo for a night to help pay for my new condo that was being built. That one-night rental resulted in a huge party in which my apartment got trashed. Which resulted in me being on the American TV show Judge Karen's Court. Yes, my life sucks. But at least it provides entertainment for all of America, and now all of Canada. To hear my story on DNTO, click on the orange arrow:

And here's the Judge Karen's Court episode mentioned in the story:

Here's me telling the story in the CBC studio a few days before the show aired.

Here's a screengrab from http://www.cbc.ca/dnto/episode/2013/01/04/how-are-you-managing-your-debt/ where they mentioned my story and included a link to my blog.

I've been asked to host a Robbie Burns night

A couple of days ago, a woman emailed me asking me to host the Robbie Burns night at her Scottish pub, saying The Toronto Star would be covering the festivities and she wanted a fun host and she thought I could do my angry Scottish Mini Man accent for some of it. She asked if I had a kilt. I told her that I don't and confided that I'm actually Jewish. She didn't seem to mind. But she had only told me the area it was in, not the name of the pub. So I thought I'd head up to the 'hood and see if I could find the place to check it out and have a drink. "The Piper's Pub & Grill" sounded like a Scottish name so I peered in the window and saw... A poster with my name on it. So, I guess that means I'm hosting this thing?

 Aye, Laddie! Go "Like" them on Facebook here and come out to the night. I have a feeling I'll need help finishing my haggis.

Here's the poster in the window, Laddie!

Here's me and my friend having a non-alcoholic drink while scoping out the pub and investigating the atmosphere. We were fans of the passionate musical duo in the background.

As a reminder of the Angry Scotsman the pub owner is talking about, here's wee me acting in commercials I wrote for Kellogg's Nutri-Grain Mini Granola Bites and Mini Cereal Bars a few wee years ago:

When does funny become insulting?

Should a bride pose beside a more attractive friend? And does my "comedic brand" allow me to suggest she shouldn't?

I wrote the IKEA Winter Sale radio ad

To promote the IKEA Winter Sale, I wrote this commercial featuring Jonas (the IKEA voice) interviewing a Snow Woman he built. Snow big deal, that's just how I roll.

How do I get invited to David Steinberg's New Year's party tonight?

How do I get invited to the New Year's Eve party of my new Twitter follower and comedy legend David Steinberg?

I wrote the IKEA Midnight Madness radio ad

For IKEA Midnight Madness, I wrote a script involving Jonas (the IKEA voice) being Auto-Tuned. Since I had to write so many scripts before getting one approved by the Group Creative Director and then by IKEA, I'm pretty tapped out of witty writing. So I'll just paste in what the sound house director, Andrew Bradley, posted on his blog: "I had the opportunity to direct another IKEA radio spot recently. Josh Rachlis wrote a fun script involving Jonas (the IKEA voice) being Auto-Tuned. I think Jonas had a great time doing it and let’s be honest, the only time we’d want to hear him sing is if it was electronically assisted like this. Comedy he can do. Singing, not so much."

TITLE: Auto-Tuned

CLIENT: IKEA

AGENCY: Leo Burnett Toronto

CREATIVE DIRECTOR: Morgan Kurchak

COPYWRITER: Josh Rachlis

DIRECTOR: Andrew Bradley, RMW

ENGINEER: Kyle Gudmundson, RMW

Thanks to VoiceTrax West, L.A. for patching us in to Jonas.

On November 30th, 2012, we recorded at RMW Music. There's me in the studio, with the producer drinking coffee, and the IKEA announcer woman in the booth. I can't remember her name, but she's got a nice voice.

Kevin Braithwaite played the DJ. While we recording, I half-jokingly and fully-racistly asked him: "You're black. What's some street hip hop language?" He was like, "I dunno, man. I like rock." So basically, we're both about the same level of blackness. Which, as you can tell from my attempt at an urban pose here, is not very black.

Christmas gifts that stress me out

I'm cleaning my desk at work and it just occurred to me that some of the Christmas gifts I got are stressing me out. Am I a jerk, or am I right in thinking that gifts shouldn't confuse me and/or make me do work?

I explored Nuit Blanche 2012

On October 5th, my friend Anat Cohen was in town from Ottawa and wanted to do something fun. So I decided to take her out to Nuit Blanche, Toronto's annual all-night, city-wide, contemporary art event that was happening that night. Unfortunately, even though I like to draw and got 100% on a Grade 12 Art exam (still my greatest accomplishment), I don't really understand art. So Anat was taken along for the ride as I tried to figure things out.

I'm in this trailer for Come Date With Me Canada

This past summer, I posted about an audition I did for the new W Network show "Come Date With Me Canada." Well, that audition went pretty well, as you can see in the just-released trailer for the show. Which move do you think impressed the lovely blonde more: Burning my hands while cooking, groaning red-faced on the floor, or revealing that my relationships don't last long? Place your bets after watching me school my fellow suitors on the art of seduction. The trailer is posted here.

Extra tidbit: If you're a single guy and think you have smoother moves than I showed in the trailer (trust me, you do), I just got this message from the show's Casting Director: "Hey Josh, sounds like you had a great time on Come Date! We're still casting for guys 35-45 for our last two episodes; if you know anyone who might be interested, we'd love to hear from them! I'll bump them to the top of the list if they say you sent them."

I explain to Judd Apatow why Toronto's mayor was ousted

Last night at An Evening with Judd Apatow & Leslie Mann at TIFF Bell Lightbox in Toronto, Judd kept asking interviewer Richard Crouse, and the audience, why Toronto mayor Rob Ford had been removed from office that morning. If I'd had the nerve to put my hand up during the Q&A, I would have explained it to Judd. Instead, I filmed myself explaining it in the empty theatre afterward. Because that's how I roll.

I left a comment about the comments for a trailer

Thanks to the fast-paced world of the Internet, my writing is being done in shorter spurts and at unexpected moments. So until I sit down to write my Louis CK-style hour-long stand-up comedy special, I might as well share this kind of thing with you. Here's my angry response to comments about the new World War Z movie trailer. You can see the trailer and read all the comments on the JoBlo.com site by clicking here. Here's what I wrote:

This looks like a fun thrill ride. What's wrong with you people?

1. Stop complaining when a movie isn't exactly like the book. They are different media. They have to be structured differently. If you've ever written a script and a book, or you have SEEN a movie or READ a book, you'll know that. Also, you've already read the book. If you want it exactly like the book, go read the book again.
2. Zombies don't actually exist. So they can be fast or slow in a movie. Either is correct. If you want slow zombies, go back and watch a movie where you liked the slow zombies. Maybe one made back when they could ONLY make slow zombies because of movie technology. I, for one, like the idea of fast zombies, because they're FAST. If you can just run (or walk swiftly) away from your enemy, that's not very scary.
3. Why do you want to see the zombies in a trailer about a zombie movie? This is a TRAILER. A teaser to make you want more. So, if you want to see the zombies, the trailer has done its job. And also, it hasn't spoiled the movie for you. I don't want to see the zombies in the trailer. Pay your 15 bucks in the theatre and take your chances. If you need to know exactly what the zombies will look like, make your own zombie movie and watch that. Or write your own zombie book first, and then make your movie exactly like the book you just wrote.

I sat on a panel about The Future of Advertising

On Oct. 17th, I sat on a panel at an Advertising Summit on "The Future of Advertising, PR and Corporate Communications" sponsored by HOMAD (Heads of Media and Design), with all the heads of Media and Design college programs in attendance at George Brown College. Panelists were to "address how changes in the industry are impacting their specific role/discipline and offer insight on how educators can prepare graduates for employment in the ever-changing advertising/communications world." I mostly ranted about what pisses me off about the ad biz and threw out ideas for what I think young creative people should do in their job search. But afterward, the profs came up to me to thank me for my great thinking. One was telling me that he teaches kids drawing and that they think they have to draw like him. He liked my vision for teaching young people that there are lots of different ways to express yourself. Hopefully I'll be sent the footage from the event so that I can post my ramblings. In the meantime, you can read about the event by visiting the report by Boost Agents here.