Check out me being inteviewed about my green comedy!

Here's an interview I did about my green comedy on the Liquid Lunch show on ThatChannel.com on April 2, 2009. In the schedule listing they referred to me as "Eco comedian Josh Rachlis." That has a nice ring to it.

I talk about my love for Laurie David, how polluting the air can't possibly be a good thing, and why it's not about saving "the environment," it's about saving ourselves.

The real question, though, is why I decided to have them show my topless audition video at the end instead of just screening the original Laurie David web cam proposal. Sometimes I wonder about myself.

You can listen to and download the audio of the interview by clicking here. Or you can watch it below.

Josh interviewed about his eco comedy on Liquid Lunch show

Watch Talking Bollocks, Episode 7: What it's like to be a Jew

In this episode, Rill interviews Josh about what it's like to be a Jew. Josh discusses dating Jewish women, reminisces about attending Camp B'nai Brith and reveals why he wishes he were Hassidic. Rill, who's not Jewish but is married a "hard-core Jew," shares her anti-Semitic sculpture from Poland. WARNING: Content may offend. On so many levels. Not sure I can recommend this one to my mom. Which is sad. We really should start making these at least sort of mom-friendly. Especially since she's pretty much the only person interested in watching this crap.

This episode was filmed on June 7, 2009. TALKING BOLLOCKS is a talk show born out of frustration - both Josh and Rill want to host a talk show. Until they get the gig they're interviewing themselves. This week they have a studio audience. Well, Josh's friend Jocelyn. So really, just an audient. Catch Marilla Wex at marillawex.com and Josh Rachlis at, well, the site you're already at.

Check out the brochure I drew for kids visiting the Ottawa Citizen!

You already know my mom's brilliant. But here's yet more proof. Last year, I was up in Ottawa the weekend of Doors Open Ottawa. I was keen on seeing the green roof at the water filtration plant. My parents, ever tolerant of my quirks, took me to see it. At the filtration plant, they had an educational brochure for kids feature cartoon illustrations of Mr. Drip, a big water drop with legs and arms and a face. Not sure if this was educational or just made kids terrified of water drops. But anyway, cut to a year later, and it's Doors Open Ottawa time again. My mom faxes me the Mr. Drip brochure that she presciently saved for some reason and calls me up with the idea to do something similar for kids who'll be visiting the Ottawa Citizen. Well! I love the Ottawa Citizen. And I love kids. And I love drawing. So this was the perfect storm. Feast your eyes on what resulted. Take that, Mr. Drip!

Support my mom in her walk for Baycrest, the home for the elderly

Were you inspired by the story I wrote about my amazing mom, Louise Rachlis, who runs marathons and does so much work for charity? (To refresh your memory and get re-inspired, scroll down to the May 10th posting or just click here.)

Here's a chance to thank her for the inspiration: On Thursday, June 18, she'll be participating as a walker in the Baycrest Boardwalk, in support of Baycrest and its programs and services for seniors. My equally-amazing sister Naomi will joining her to be push my Grandma in her wheelchair for the Walk. The three of them hope you'll sponsor them in this very worthwhile cause!

Here's the lovely tale my mom wrote on her sponsorship page: "When we were packing up my mother for Baycrest last year, we found the Baycrest Volunteer smock she wore over a decade ago. She recognized then the value of Baycrest, and now she is benefiting from that value herself. Your support will provide crucial dollars for Baycrest's many programs and services for seniors. If you would like to make a donation, please do so. Otherwise, just celebrate… with my family the joy of my mother in her 91st year. Thank you."

Even a dollar or two will make a difference. For instance, if all my Facebook friends gave just a dollar each, that would be $1,164. Or, let's say all my real-life friends gave a dollar each. That would be, um, ok, that wouldn't be any money. Thank god for Facebook.

To make a sponsorship donation, please visit my mom's personal sponsorship page at http://my.e2rm.com/personalPage.aspx?SID=2171381

Listen to me in GreenSaver radio ads!

Why am I doing things like hiding in an air duct and sitting on my front steps nude? Long story. But suffice it to say, it's thanks to the great work of GreenSaver. GreenSaver is a home energy audit company that will come to your home and tell you all the things you can do to save energy, money and the environment. I wrote them some scripts for fun YouTube videos. They decided to produce them as radio ads. And they asked me to act in them! (I'm sure you're particularly glad that the nude one got done as radio instead of being filmed.) As an eco-friendly guy, I'm excited to be helping out such a great green company. Book your home energy audit today at greensaver.ca. No hiding in air ducts or nudity required.

Listen to me in a James Ready Beer radio ad!

James Ready Beer wants your help to keep it a buck a bottle. So they asked drinkers to send in photos to fill the billboards they'd bought, because they couldn't afford to make ads. As thanks for the help, JR is now offering their radio ad space to loyal drinkers. Here's my contribution, which is currently on the air. (Carly at my work apparently turned red when people played it for her. Do you think that's a good sign? Hmmm... Come to think of it, she hasn't spoken to me since. But she's probably just shy, right?)

I'm co-hosting a Jewish/Arab show in Montreal on Sunday

Along with Eman, an Arab comedienne, I'll be MC'ing an inspiring night of musical, spoken-word and dance performances by Jewish, Arab and other artists in Montreal this Sunday night. The goal is to bring together people through mutual understanding. And if anything can broker a peace between Jews and Arabs, it is certainly the MC'ing I will do at this show. Or, at the very least, it will get me a date with the Arab comedienne. Hmmm... On second thought, peace in the Middle East is probably more likely.

Anyway, last night Eman and I were interviewed on the Dan Laxer show on Montreal talk radio station CJAD. On the show page it said:"A Jew and a Muslim walk into a church... Sound like a joke? It is. Stand-up comics, Eman El-Husseini and Josh Rachlis join me tonight." And in the article about the show in today's Montreal Gazette, I am referred to as "Jewish actor/comic Josh Rachlis." If I was ever hoping to pass for a non-Jew, I guess I can now forget about it.

Here are the show details:

The Montreal Dialogue Group presents its third annual Peace Concert on Sunday at 7 p.m. at the Unitarian Church, 5035 de Maisonneuve Blvd. W. Tickets: $15; $10 for students. Call 514-483-5763 or 514-933-2298, or email info@dialoguegroup.org

Read the story I wrote about my mom, who runs marathons

For Mother's Day, the Canadian running magazine "iRun" asked for stories from people whose mothers run. They said to keep it to 250 words. I started writing about all the amazing inspirational things that my mom does, and realized I'd written 3 pages. I cut it down as much as I could, but it still wasn't short enough for them to print it in their paper version. Fortunately, in the magazine they said to check out the submission from Josh Rachlis on their website. And now I'm sharing it with the world. Because if anyone can make the world a better place, it's my mom. Who, incidentally, ran the Mississauga Marathon for Mother's Day. Her 20th marathon. The pics I've posted here are me cheering her on at a marathon in Toronto 5 years ago. My mom was running a marathon, and it was a struggle for me to get out of bed early enough to get to the race with my signs. I'm sure there's a lesson in there somewhere. But anyway, here's the link to the story I wrote: http://www.irunnation.com/issues/article.php?id=148&intIssueID=9
And for those without the energy to click on a link, you especially need to read this, so here's the story pasted in:

“My mom runs marathons”

Josh Rachlis, Toronto, ON

Whenever I feel there’s something I can’t do – which is often – I remind myself: “My mom runs marathons.”

Until 10 years ago, my mom, Louise Rachlis, had never really exercised. But when she turned 50, she felt depressed and decided to take action by learning to run. And now, my mom runs marathons.

A year ago, I realized I’d gotten overweight. I was tempted to think it would be too hard to get into shape. But instead I thought: “My mom runs marathons.” I hit the treadmill and have lost 40 pounds.

My mom has even written two books about running. Her book, 20 Steps to Keep You Going When You Think You Couldn't Possibly- In Running and In Life, raised funds for the Ottawa Hospital. Recently my mom was in Paris for a marathon and was talking to a woman in the hotel lobby. Turns out my mom’s book had been this woman’s inspiration to start running at 50! Stories like this show me I can make a difference in the world.

Her other book, A Matter of Dreams: Excuse Busters tell all, profiles how top triathletes keep motivated and was a fund-raiser for the TriRudy.com triathlete community. As she writes in the intro: “We all have many excuses for not achieving our goals. But… there is always someone for whom that is no excuse at all.” That’s the other lesson her running has taught me: I can do whatever I put my mind to, and can make the world better in the process. Because while pursuing running, she took up painting and donated the proceeds to charity. She founded the magazine, Challenge: Life with Cancer. She inspired the Ottawa Citizen (where she works) to start the National Capital Race Weekend series. Suffice to say, she won the 2005 CanWest Spirit Award for Ottawa in recognition of all the ways she contributes to the community.

On my recent birthday, I started thinking I was too old to exercise or to achieve my dreams. But by repeating “My mom runs marathons,” I’ve been able to not only keep up my exercise, but to amp up my creative pursuits – including submitting a pitch to CBC for a radio show about my mom’s running (which she doesn’t know I’ve done).

My mom has recently been asked to tell her stories at Running Room meetings. I hope iRun will also realize the value of her stories, so your readers can tell themselves: “Josh’s mom runs marathons.”

Episode 4 of "Talking Bollocks" - Why Josh is green

Rill interviews Josh about his interest in the environment and saving the planet. As usual, it all boils down to yet another way Josh is trying to get a girlfriend. TALKING BOLLOCKS is a chat show born out of frustration - both Josh and Rill want to host a talk show. Until they get the gig they're interviewing themselves. This week they have a studio audience. Well, audient. Catch Marilla Wex at http://marillawex.com and Josh Rachlis at http://joshrachlis.blogspot.com/

Episode 3 of "Talking Bollocks" - Rill's new Chihuahua

In this episode, Josh interviews Rill about her new Miniature Teacup Chihuahua, Farfl The Wonderdog. No ordinary Chihuahua, Farfl has her own site, www.farfl.com, which chronicles her hilarious adventures. Farfl is so interesting, in fact, that Rill and Josh broke their own rule of keeping the show to the 10 minutes that YouTube allows per video. So it's been broken into two parts. But if your tail wags at the thought of 17 minutes and 6 seconds of Chihuahua talk, this is your dog-gone lucky day.

Here's Part 1, where you’ll find out how Farfl got her name, what tricks she can do and what Chihuahuas are known for :



And here's Part 2, where you’ll find out about pee pads, DogBook and how having a dog makes you social:

I'm quoted in this article about parents joining facebook!

Esther Kustanowitz, popular Internet blogger/writer, has done a very interesting interview with the creators of a website called Oh Crap. My Parents Joined Facebook. And what's an interesting interview without quoting The Most Interesting Person On Earth? (That's me, in case you were wondering.) As with most topics, I have a different take on things. I actually love that parents are on Facebook. I mean, come on people. If you're lucky, you'll be parents too one day. Will you want your kids devoting a website to making fun of you because you're out there being sociable? Anyway, the whole thing just gets me steamed. So take a read of the article by clicking here and decide for yourself how you feel! :-)

Watch "Beaver Tale 4: Working Out"

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

BEAVER GETS BUFF TO WIN BACK PORCUPINE
4th episode of beaver puppet series resolves cliffhanger

Toronto, Ontario – March 20, 2009 – Beaver Tale 4: Working Out, the 4th in the award-winning Beaver Tale short film series, launches today at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3TKnnwtiq-k. The film takes up where Beaver Tale 3: The Break-Up left off with its cliffhanger ending a week ago. When we last saw Pelt The Beaver, he was living alone in a bachelor apartment and poking himself with sewing needles to remember how it felt to cuddle with Quillette The Porcupine. Will Pelt find a way to win her back? Is she even worth it? These questions and more will be answered.

“We know fans are on the edge of their seats,” says series creator, Josh Rachlis. “Because at the end of BT3, things were pretty prickly between Pelt and Quillette. Get it? Prickly? Because she's a porcu- Oh, you do get it? You're just not laughing because it's not funny? Right, okay.”

Catch up by watching the first Beaver Tale:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQUPwlgDu1s
Then Beaver Tale 2: The Bed & Breakfast:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_5rXbvTahE
Then Beaver Tale 3: The Break-Up:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmerGh1OnnM

ABOUT THE SERIES: It all began when Pelt The Beaver found a pack of gum in a camper’s backpack in the forest. He realized he could chew this gum instead of trees. So naturally he moved to the city and bought a condo-loft. Films in the series have won “Most Original Idea” at the Leo Burnett Advertising Short Film Festival, “Audience Choice” at the Small Town Film Festival two years in a row and been featured on CBC TV’s show “Exposure.” And released just a week ago, the 3rd Beaver Tale has already received interest in being covered by a prominent film critic and a popular relationship columnist.

For more films by Josh Rachlis, please visit http://www.youtube.com/joshrachlis and for more information, email josh.rachlis(at)gmail dot com

Watch my green music video

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

AN INCONVENIENT PROPOSAL
Green guy makes eco hip hop video to win Laurie David’s heart

Toronto, Ontario – March 17, 2009 – It’s sure to be the next Internet sensation, and will maybe even usher in a new era of Canada-U.S. environmental relations: It’s Josh Rachlis, environmentally-conscious Canadian, rapping his heart out in an eco-themed hip hop music video that’s just been posted on YouTube at http://tinyurl.com/ecovid (be sure to select "Watch in HD" under the video).

The song is dedicated to Laurie David, producer of An Inconvenient Truth and ex-wife of Larry David, creator of Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm. With the goal of winning Laurie’s hand in marriage, Josh rhymes off everything that’s earned him “green street cred,” including not flushing for just, um, Number 1. The video includes scenes of “Enviroman” magically cleaning up the city. There’s also a female back-up singer who looks remarkably (and disturbingly) like Josh.

Josh is just an ordinary person who, like many people today, is concerned about our environment. So everywhere he walks, he picks up litter. He even goes through the trash in subway stations to put paper and bottles in the proper recycling bags. When he heard of stopglobalwarming.org, he was curious as to who started the site. When he found out it was a woman, he developed a green crush. And when he further learned that the woman was married to Larry David, he was really excited. Because Larry’s bald, neurotic and Jewish – just like Josh. So Josh was Laurie’s type! But she was married, so it was all just a dream. But then one day, Josh heard that the Davids were getting a divorce…

Upon hearing of the divorce plans, Josh promptly recorded a marriage proposal for Laurie with his webcam: http://tinyurl.com/marrymelaurie. It was featured on eco-celeb site Ecorazzi - see the write-up here: http://tinyurl.com/ecorazzi - and it was mentioned in the blog of Edge 102.1 FM’s Alan Cross. But alas, Laurie played coy and never contacted Josh, surely because she wanted to ensure he was serious. So now Josh is kicking it up a level with a song. Because girls love songs, right? Especially hip hop songs. Even more especially when the singer is dressed as a superhero. He hopes that Laurie sees the video and that together they can save the world. Or, at the very least, Josh hopes that the song teaches viewers some positive things they can do for the environment. And that way, his love for Laurie will do some good for the Earth no matter what happens with their relationship. But still, his fingers are crossed for a green wedding.

As part of his "oeuvre" of green comedy, Josh has also made a movie in which, at the risk of spoiling what could be a very romantic evening, he attempts to convince his date that compact fluorescent light bulbs are a much better "idea" than regular bulbs. You can view that at http://tinyurl.com/ruthvid.

If you'd like more information about this topic, or to schedule an interview with Josh Rachlis, please send an email to josh.rachlis(at)gmail dot com. And in addition to the link at the start of this press release, you can also view the video here:

Watch "Beaver Tale 3: The Break-Up"

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

EVEN BEAVERS HAVE ROMANCE TROUBLES
Beaver puppet series goes to dark place in 3rd episode

Toronto, Ontario – March 7, 2009 – A new installment in the award-winning Beaver Tale short film series launches today at www.youtube.com/joshrachlis. Beaver Tale 3: The Break-Up takes a darker turn than the first two, chronicling romantic troubles between Pelt The Beaver and Quillette The Porcupine.

The movie has been highly-anticipated, as the first Beaver Tale won “Most Original Idea” at the Leo Burnett Advertising Short Film Festival and the “Audience Choice” award at the Small Town Film Festival (STFF) in Chatham, Ontario, while Beaver Tale 2: The Bed & Breakfast won “Audience Choice” at the following year’s STFF. And both Beaver Tales were featured on CBC TV’s show “Exposure.”

In a new twist for the series, BT3 ends with a “To Be Continued” cliffhanger. “As is increasingly common in Hollywood, we shot Beaver Tale 4 simultaneously,” says series creator, Josh Rachlis. “And we promise not to hold it back too long. We know the audience will be chewing at the bit! Get it? Chewing? Normally you'd say chomping at the bit. But I said chewing, because it's a beaver... Ok, never mind.”

For those unfamiliar with the doc-style series, the story began when Pelt The Beaver found a pack of gum in a camper’s backpack in the forest. He realized he could chew this gum instead of trees. So naturally he moved to the city and bought a condo-loft. His adventures have taken him to a career in architecture, to running a bed & breakfast, and now to dealing with the heartbreak of a troubled relationship. All the while, he maintains his sweet, innocent disposition and curiosity about life.

Catch up by watching the first Beaver Tale: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQUPwlgDu1s
Then Beaver Tale 2: The Bed & Breakfast: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_5rXbvTahE
And here's the link to Beaver Tale 3: The Break-Up: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmerGh1OnnM

ABOUT THE CREATORS: Josh is an advertising copywriter, actor, stand-up comedian, filmmaker and radio host in Toronto. Ruth Sorrell, a Ryerson University film graduate now living in Seattle, saw the original Beaver Tale online and liked it so much that she wanted to get involved with subsequent films.

For more information about this topic, or to schedule an interview with Josh Rachlis, send an email to josh.rachlis(at)gmail.com. And in addition to the link in the press release above, you can watch Beaver Tale 3 here:

Listen to me acting in the Bell radio ad that's on the air now

Currently all over the air is a radio ad I didn't write, but I'm acting in. Yep, my agent called me about the audition, I auditioned for it and I got the part! That's me as the guy outside the club, trying to tell my buddy that I'm leaving to get fries. He mishears. I think we've all been out for a fun night on the town and wound up in this situation, no? Too bad there was no room in the 30-second spot for the little improvisations that got me the role, such as me saying at the end: "I'm not your friend anymore." Ah, yes - I'm so hilarious. Does anyone have Larry David's phone number? Tell him how hilarious I am when improvising. Curb Your Enthusiasm is mostly improvised, you see. And I would like to be on that show. In the meantime, though, I'm in a Bell radio ad. Which you can hear by clicking here. Or clicking on the video below. (Informational tidbit: The day of the record, the cold that I caught in LA went full-blown, but I didn't let that compromise my performance and everyone's liking the spot! So... Yay for me! And... Yay for Bell! Use their mobility service!)

Join my fan page on facebook and when I'm famous you can swim in the pool behind my mansion!

So, I've started a little fan page for myself on facebook. Is that pathetic? Maybe. But no more pathetic than having to plan my own birthday parties. Oh, but wait - I was told in a meeting this week that Canadians are self-deprecating, and that being self-deprecating doesn't work here in the US. You have to pump yourself up here and sing your own praises. So, um... "Hey, join my facebook fan page by clicking here! Because I'm so awesomely hilarious!" (Eeessh... That was painful.) Anyway, maybe having a fan page with millions of members will help build my case to US immigration that I'm "exceptional in my field" and should be given a permit to the in the US. It seems to have worked for Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears. Oh, but wait - They were already American and didn't need permits. Ok, bad example. But still, it's worth a shot! And I managed to get "Miley Cyrus" and "Britney Spears" into this message, which can only help my Google hits.

Watch Episode 3 of Joshditions

I auditioned for an African-American part. Yes, I may look at first glance like a pale Jewish fellow, but there are some things about me that you may not know…

Check it out by clicking here or clicking below:

Watch Episode 2 of Joshditions

I auditioned for the role of a doctor in a pain reliever commercial. But the girl auditioning for the role of the patient wanted me to relieve more than just her pain…

Check it out by clicking here or clicking below:

Watch Episode 1 of Joshditions

I'm an actor out there trying to make it in the tough world of, um, acting. So I thought I would promote my acting skills by posting the auditions I've been doing. After all, it's such a waste of brilliant acting if only the casting director gets to see it!

Here's what the first audition is about:

My friend Lindsay Ames is an actress who moved to LA from Toronto and is doing quite well. She inspired me to come to LA too and start auditioning. Fortunately, Lindsay posted one of her auditions where they wanted her to get topless for a coffee commercial. You can see it by clicking here.

That’s not how the auditions usually work in Toronto, so I was lucky to learn how things work in LA so I could give them what they want…

Check it out by clicking here or clicking below:

Check out my comedy video where I try to sell new "Coke Smooth" on eBay

Here's the description that goes with the video: "Josh has been having trouble selling his amazing goods on his eBay page. So he thought maybe videos would help to show how great his stuff is. In his second video, he's selling 'Coke Smooth,' a new kind of Coke without bubbles, which you haven't seen in stores because it's really rare and you can only get it from Josh. So please buy it from him." Are you intrigued? Thirsty? Gullible? Then check out the video by clicking here!

Check out the speech I gave at my Dad's retirement party

On June 5, 2008, a huge party was thrown at the National Arts Centre in Ottawa to celebrate the retirement of my father, Dr. Lorne Rachlis, from 37 noble, selfless years of service to public education. His current job was Director of the Ottawa School Board, and there were many colleagues and friends and family there to thank him for doing so much for the Ottawa School Board, and for education in the Province of Ontario in general. There were many speeches given. And, as esteemed as this event was, for some reason they let me give a speech, too. Even though I don't know much about the inner workings of public education. I do, however, know much about the inner workings of the Rachlis household. And you will too, if you click here.

Watch Episode 2 of "Talking Bollocks"

Josh Rachlis and Marilla "Rill" Wex want to host a talk show. So they're doing it themselves. By interviewing each other. In our second episode... Wait, do talk shows have "episodes?" Maybe I should just say "show." Hmmm... For our second show, Rill, who is soon eligible to become a Canadian citizen, interviews Josh about what it's like to be a Canadian. It was filmed live on the cozy, snowy evening of January 8, 2009 at Talking Bollocks Studios (a.k.a. Rill's den, on her futon). You can watch it by clicking here.

P.S. Oh, and you'll notice that Rill drew a very colourful sign for the opening title sequence, thus upstaging the black & white one I drew for the first episode. Very impressive! So I'll have to come up with something really snazzy for the next show.

A love song for a cozy snowy winter evening

Yesterday Cheryl emailed me: "What are you up to tonight? Feel like coming to my place and practicing more music?" So last night in the soft beautiful snow, I subwayed over to Cheryl's basement apartment. I love it there. Not only is it a very cozy place, but she even made me a cheese and tomato sandwich (cheese and tomatoes are two of my favourite things). Anyway, we played a couple of songs for her JVC Super VHS GR-SXM540 Camcorder. And then realized we can't get the footage off her JVC Super VHS GR-SXM540 Camcorder. So until we do, all you can watch is the back-up I shot of the first song with my digital camera. Which you can do by clicking here. The lyrics are on the right side if you click "More info." The song is about feeling a rush from a special someone every single time you think about them. Even years after you first met. If you know what that feeling's like, you're very lucky. Suggestions for a title for the song are welcome. Cheese and tomato sandwiches are also welcome.

My YouTube is amongst the most viewed (albeit in a very specific category)

A couple of days ago, I noticed a new little item on my YouTube page. A tiny picture of an award ribbon, with the words: "#74 Most Viewed (Today) - Comedians - Canada." Well! That was exciting. Although, maybe Canada only has 74 comedian pages on YouTube, I wondered. But then a few hours later (Monday, January 5th, 2009 at 11:48am, to be exact) it was saying: "#69 Most Viewed (Today) - Comedians - Canada." So even on the off-chance that there are only 74 such pages, I was climbing the charts! Could it all be because of my recent posting of the love song? Who knows. But whatever the case, I owe it all to you: The Fans. And Jesus. But I'm not sure why he'd want to help me. So it's probably more The Fans. So, thanks. I haven't been this excited since I was my summer camp's "Most Improved Water Skiier."

A love song to fill the New Year with, um, love

One of my new year's resolutions is to fill the entire world with love. My other resolution is to find someone to marry me. And since the first resolution will be much easier for me to achieve, I figure I'll get right on it by posting a love song, thus putting the first drop of love into the empty vessel that is 2009. Click here to see/hear it. This song is a work in progress. Still tweaking the chords. And don't have a name for it. But that's a lesson for all of us in 2009 - things will never be perfect. So just do it. No, wait. That's a Nike ad. Anyway, helping me out here is the stripy-socked Cheryl Beatty. Click here to buy her album and find out where you can can see her live. She's a beautiful singer and a beautiful person. (Oh, and if you're expecting this song to be funny, it's not. Well, not intentionally, anyway.)

Check out my comedy video where I try to sell an "authentic" Transformers action figure

Here's the description I'm putting with my new video: "Josh has been having trouble selling his amazing goods on his eBay page. So he thought maybe videos would help to show how great his stuff is. In his first video, he's selling a real, authentic, vintage Transformers action figure. It's a valuable collector's item and you should buy it for lots of money." Now, that sort of leaves it up to the viewer to figure out that if it's serious or a joke. But because you're a loyal reader of my blog, I shall give you a top-secret inside tip: It's a joke. :) Check it out by clicking here.

Check out the first episode of my new talk show, "Talking Bollocks."

Josh and Marilla want to host a talk show. They also want to be guests on a talk show. Since neither is happening at the moment, they're taking things into their own hands and making their own talk show. They'll take turns interviewing each other. And they'll be "talking bollocks," which is an English expression meaning "talking about whatever." (Take Marilla's word for it, because she's English.) Check out the first episode - filmed on Saturday, December 6th, 2008, at Talking Bollocks Studios (a.k.a. Marilla's house) - by clicking here. (But be warned: THE VIDEO CONTAINS GRAPHIC ADULT LANGUAGE THAT MAY OFFEND SOME.)

I'm in today's National Post talking about green dating

I'm interviewed in today's National Post about how being an environmentalist can affect one's dating life. Unfortunately, the accompanying photo of me in my green superhero outfit should effectively put an end to my dating life. Although, if you look at the photos of the paper version, you'll see that on the front of the section, my head is actually above the heads of Tina Fey and Oprah. And if that doesn't guarantee action, I don't know what does. Well, okay. I don't know what does. To read the online version, click here.

Women should NOT sit out the U.S. election

This is a Letter to the Editor I just sent to Metro News. I doubt they'll print it, because I just had one in the paper. And even if they did, it wouldn't be printed in time for the U.S. election. So I'm going to post it in my blog, in the hopes that it helps combat the dangerous message given in today's paper by Rick McGinnis (whom I believe is their TV critic, so I'm not sure why he's even writing about politics at all, much less trying to take away women's power to vote).

Here's my letter:

In “Sit this one out, ladies” (Oct. 31), Rick McGinnis suggests that women not vote in the U.S. election in order to protest sexism in the campaigns. While his cause is noble, his advice could just as easily be given by people who want to silence women and take away their hard-fought-for power to vote, power which women in many countries are still murdered for trying to achieve. Sure, a few jerks wore offensive t-shirts and yelled out ignorant insults. But the answer is not to withdraw from the process and let misogynists be the only ones who choose the government. As we’ve seen in the Canadian election, low voter turnout doesn’t “slap… otherwise intelligent people back to their senses,” as McGinnis suggests it would. It just results in more of the same mean-spirited government and makes progressive people feel even more hopeless. No, the answer is for women to rise up and vote in unprecedented numbers, thus demonstrating that they are a powerful force for good in this world, and that their voices cannot be ignored.

I come to the rescue of Elizabeth May in Metro newspaper

In the Tuesday, Oct. 21, 2008 issue of Metro, Canada’s #1 free national daily newspaper with 950,000 readers, my letter was the only Letter To The Editor published and, as you can see in the photos, was one of only three items on the Comment & Views page. A few days earlier, Andrew Cohen, apparently a Metro columnist, had written a very rude, childish and misleading column insulting the leader of Canada's Green Party, Elizabeth May. Well, as someone who respects people who devote their lives to making this world a cleaner, healthier place, I wasn't going to stand for that! So I didn't stand for it. I sat down for it. At my computer. And this is what I wrote:

Re: "May pays for mistakes" (Oct. 16)
Andrew Cohen believes that: "Unelected leaders have no credibility. You can stand and squawk in the foyer of the House of Commons, as Ms. May does every day. But really, though, why should anyone listen to you? Especially when your party has 6.8 per cent of the vote."
It says a lot about Mr. Cohen that he dismisses daily fighting for a cleaner, healthier, fairer Canada as "squawking." But dismissing 6.8 per cent of the vote as insignificant is even more absurd.
Does he not know that the Bloc won nearly 50 seats with 10 per cent of the vote? With a fair and proportional voting system, the Green Party's 940,000 votes would have earned them 23 seats.
The problem is not May's passion for improving our country. The real problem is our electoral system.

Hybrid taxis, not higher taxi fares

An open letter to Mayor David Miller and Councillor Howard Moscoe:

Dear Mayor Miller and Councillor Moscoe,

I heard on the news last week that the taxi companies are demanding that fares be raised in order to compensate for higher gas costs.

As a tax-paying, air-breathing citizen of Toronto, I would like to express my extreme opposition to this.

Every day I see taxis parked with their engines idling outside my work, outside my condo, outside union station... everywhere.
A couple of months ago I even saw a cab sitting idling with NOBODY IN IT for at least half an hour, while the driver was inside a coffee shop playing cards with his friends. I took a picture and will be sending this to your idling reports division.

My point is that cabs seem to think wasting gas is fine. They also aren't converting to hybrids. I've seen maybe two hybrid cabs all year.

I believe you've implemented some kind of green taxi plan. But I'm not sure how that's going and it hasn't seemed to have any effect yet. The increase in gas prices should be a good incentive for cabs to convert to a hybrid fleet. Hybrid cabs would save thousands of dollars a year in gas costs. I've read about hybrid cabs in Vancouver that have done just that. You should push the cabs to make the change quicker if they are really concerned about rising gas prices. You should crack down on idling. And, if you must, give them more incentives to switch to green cars.

But to simply let them charge more money to make up for rising gas prices would be missing a once-in-a-lifetime golden opportunity to green Toronto's cabs, clean the air for all of us and let cab drivers save thousands a year.

I know the entire city would be behind me on this one.

As you can read by clicking here, the cabs of New York City are enjoying huge gas savings thanks to going hybrid. So should Toronto's cabs.

Please let me know what you think of this idea and let me know if myself and my friends could do anything to help make this happen.

Town destroyed by twister rebuilds Green

Perhaps it's because I feel philosophical on Sundays. Perhaps it's because I was just watching a documentary about Superman while on the treadmill in the gym. But this story, about a town in Kansas that was flattened by a twister a year ago today and is rebuilding as a new model of how green a town can be, is inspiring and gives me a little bit of hope for the world...

http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/05/02/greensburg.green/index.html

Toronto's CHUM FM denies global warming

An open letter to 104.5 Chum FM:

Dear Chum FM and the Roger, Rick & Marilyn Show,

I was listening to your morning show today and was pleased to hear you reporting on the fact it was Earth Day. But then I was dismayed to hear you spend a full minute of the newscast giving airtime to the people who deny global warming exists. I don't see what this was intended to accomplish. Any sane person can see that we have a problem with pollution in our world. Even George W. Bush has acknowledged that global warming is a serious problem. And yet you felt that a few lunatic scientists who are funded by oil companies deserved more time in your broadcast than the people trying to clean up our city and our planet.

Your newscaster followed the positive Earth Day news with the line: "But of course, there's always a contrary opinion." Really? If you did a story about a Holocaust remembrance ceremony, would you feel the need to let a Holocaust-denier go on for 60 seconds as "balance?" Sure, there's always a contrary opinion. But there isn't always a logical contrary opinion that deserves airtime. The oil companies have tried to make it look like there's a "debate" in the scientific community on the subject. But anyone who's looked into it knows this is misinformation. You can always find someone who's willing to present a shoddy argument for a fee. But I don't see why this would earn them 50% of your newscast on a story about the environment.

I feel that you should apologize on air to your viewers for diminishing the important work that people are doing for Earth Day and for using your station's clout to promote dangerous, unfounded opinions that can only result in more deaths from smog and climate change. I am very disappointed in your station and in the usually positive and responsible Roger, Rick & Marilyn Show.

Sincerely,

Josh Rachlis

Get your face or message on a giant billboard in Ontario!

Get your face or message on a real, huge billboard in Ontario! Seriously! Just to go to http://www.jamesready.com, upload your photo or message, and it will most likely appear on a billboard!!!

The photo here is some guy Matt who sent in that picture. If he can get a billboard, YOU can. And no, what you send in doesn't need to have anything to do with beer.

If you’re my friend, I’ll make sure you get your stuff on a billboard! You see, I’ve been asked to use my internet social networking connections to raise participation in an exciting marketing initiative for James Ready Beer. (Translation: People at work said “Hey! You have over 800 Facebook friends! Help us out!”)

James Ready is an inexpensive beer that asks consumers to “Help us keep James Ready a buck a bottle.” As such, they have bought up some real live billboards around Ontario but don’t have any fancy, expensive ads to put on them.

So they’re asking people to email in a digital photo or just a message and they’ll put it on a giant billboard. They haven’t gotten enough responses yet. Maybe because people don’t believe it’s real. So if you send something in, it will most likely be made into a billboard.

Got a photo of your sports team? Want to ask a girl out? Are you making a movie that you’d like to promote? Want to show off your new haircut?

Just go to http://www.jamesready.com and send in what you want on the billboard. It’s that simple! And you can message me after so that I can help ensure that it does get up there.

You can do it no matter where you live. But if you live in one of these areas, even better, because this is where the billboards will be:

Peterborough
Ajax
Pickering
Georgetown/Halton Hills
Brantford
Chatham-Kent
Sarnia
Barrie
Orillia
Belleville
Kingston
Oshawa
Hamilton
St. Catharines
Niagara
London
Windsor
Sault Ste. Marie
Sudbury
North Shore
North Bay & District
Thunder Bay
Kitchener
Cambridge

Are you sabotaging your own success?

Check out what this study found:

---

Mediocrity rules

People are so convinced they can't do well in certain pursuits that they can inadvertently sabotage their own performance to achieve their low expectations.

University of Toronto social psychologist Jason Plaks says this self-imposed mediocrity in selected areas is so pervasive that people become anxious if they achieve above their expectations. The anxiety of overachieving in areas they've convinced themselves they're no good at may actually limit some people's ability to do well in them, Plaks says.

---

Pretty crazy, huh? But it reminds me of the many times I've heard people say they can't do something, even when I'm sure they could. Such a large part of getting ahead at anything in this world is simply DOING it. So, think about it... Is there something you want? Are you maybe not getting it simply because you're telling yourself you can't get it? Well, stop that. Go for it. And when you get what you want, leave a comment here so I can have the smug satisfaction of saying: "I told you so."

A petition to let the Green Party into the debate

It's been shown that once a party is allowed into the televised debates, their support can soar. It's what happened to the Reform Party. People just need to see them deliver their message. The Green Party already has 11% support in Toronto. It's the only party gaining support in the Ontario race. And yet, they're not letting the Green Party leader into the debates. Fair? No. So please sign the petition at www.letfrankin.ca

(Sorry for this posting not being funny. The environment is just too serious an issue to make light off. However, if you've been good and signed the petition, you can turn on some clown music and go back and read the posting again, while listening to clown music. The posting will be funny that way.)

My marriage proposal's on ecorazzi.com!!!

Holy crap!!! Check out this amazing promotion of my marriage proposal by clicking here. It looks like it was put up on August 23rd. I had no idea it was there, though. I only just found it now because I was googling "Josh Rachlis" and "Jay Leno" and this link popped up for some reason. Anyway, all I can say is... WOW!!!! Thanks so much to ecorazzi for joining the cause. I will for sure reserve a whole ecorazzi table at my wedding to Laurie David if, I mean WHEN, it happens. There's even a comment at the post, from "rebecca," who mentions my An Inconvenient Ruth movie (which I made for Laurie's eco-film contest a while back). If Laurie doesn't see my proposal now, I don't know WHAT she's doing with her time. Other than devoting every waking minute to fighting global warming, I mean.

Oh, and check this out. People are reviewing the ecorazzi posting at this other page. Michael from Pensacola (known online as "moreminimal") writes: "Funniest thing I've seen all week. Laurie, you should at least go out with this guy. Who knows?" It's a great feeling to know that I've got the support of Pensacola, Florida behind me. And I'm sure Laurie has great respect for moreminimal's opinion because he's obviously got great taste in comedy and in men. So this could work out great.

(Oh, and why was I googling "Josh Rachlis" and "Jay Leno," you ask? Well, an account guy at work here just mentioned that a creative director at work mentioned that she heard that my marriage proposal was mentioned on Jay Leno's show. I said that the creative director must have misunderstood. But I googled it, just in case. And I found the ecorazzi post. Which proves that you never know what's out there! So maybe I've been on Leno after all and just don't know it yet...)

My letter in today's Star about MMP

Click here to read my letter in today's Toronto Star about the misconceptions surrounding the Mixed-Member Proportional election system we'll be voting for (or against) in the upcoming Ontario election. MMP will mean your vote will count for more. It will also help the environment, because parties that actually care about the environment will actually earn seats and be able to make positive changes for all of us. So make sure to get out and vote in October... and vote for MMP!

Radio station Edge 102 joins the cause to get Laurie David to marry me!

Alan Cross, the all-powerful and obviously genius Program Director at Toronto radio station Edge 102 has realized the vital importance to the world of getting Laurie David to see the marriage proposal video I made for her. So, as a public service, he has written about it on his blog. Check it out by clicking here. And from now on if anyone asks you what your favourite radio station is, the answer is no longer CBC, despite CBC's in-depth and important coverage of global warming. The answer is now is Edge 102, because of their in-depth and important coverage of me. I mean, coverage of me insofar as it will lead to me marrying the world's top crusader in the fight against global warming. So that her and I can work together to lick this climate change problem once and for all. In this way, Edge 102 is doing more to help fight global warming than CBC. That's what I meant. I didn't mean to be vain.

A clip of Beaver Tale 2 will be shown tomorrow night on CBC TV!

Wow! CBC Television really loves our good friend Pelt The Beaver! He'll be on the show Exposure yet again! The email below says it all. So if you have cable and a VCR, please tape it for Pelt and me! (We don't have cable. We're "old-school." Rabbit-ear antennae all the way, baby.)

----Original Message Follows----
From: Maia
To: Josh
Subject: Beaver Tale 2 on Exposure
Date: Sat, 25 Aug 2007

Hi Josh,

It is Maia here, the Program Assistant at Exposure.
I wanted to let you know that we will be showing a clip from your video
BEAVER TALE 2: THE BED & BREAKFAST, as part of our Round Up on Animals.
The show starts at 11pm, Sunday, August 26, on CBC TV.

Enjoy watching the show and thank you for uploading!

Maia

Beaver Tale will be on CBC Television this Sunday at 11pm!

Well, a clip of it, anyway. Not sure what part they're going to show. So be sure to find out by checking out Pelt The Beaver's television debut! They're showing it because it's been getting lots of views and good ratings on the show's website. I'm sure this is just the beginning of your favourite beaver's television career. Actually, there was a clip of Beaver Tale shown on Chatham television when he won Audience Choice at the Small Town Film Festival. So this is merely the continuation of his television career. But really, anything to do with a television career is pretty exciting. Especially when you're a beaver puppet. Beaver puppets are shamefully under-represented in the entertainment industry.

And the heart test says...

So, I was waiting in the little room that the receptionist took me to, settling into an issue of "Hello! Canada" with Angelina Jolie on the cover, when there was a knock on the door. It was very polite of the doctor to knock first. I'm not sure what he thought I might have been doing in there, but I can't really blame him for thinking the worst. Anyway, he walked in and right away, before even sitting down, said: "I have good news!" and told me that my tests were good. "No abnormalities whatsoever!" He kept looking at the file and couldn't even think of anything to add. I asked what it was that had showed up in the first place and he said the EKG test was just off. Then he warned: "You have to take care of yourself." What? How? "You need to hang out with better people." Oh, right. The brownies. Yah, putting drugs in them without telling me was pretty immature. "Immature? It was almost criminal!" But at least I have a new lease on life. :-)

P.S. Oh, and afterward, I treated myself to a Booster Juice from the hospital foodcourt, as a celebration. That's not really relevant to the story. But you know what? I love Booster Juice. It's always a special treat that makes me happy. So there.

My heart test... Testing my poor heart... :(

As you’ll recall from The Pot Brownie Incident ©2007, the emergency room doctor didn’t like what was going on with my heart. So she made me an appointment with a cardiologist. I met with him, an elderly Polish doctor, a few days later and he listened to my heart through a stethoscope. And after his analysis, he said that there was absolutely, positively... something weird. This was his professional, medical diagnosis. "Weird." (I could have told him I was weird and saved us both the trouble of the visit.) Unfortunately, he didn’t know anything more than that. So maybe it’s something really awful and I have a short time to live. I prefer to think that maybe I have some kind of SuperHeart. Like, I’m the next step in human evolution and my SuperHeart will allow me to run great distances and also I’ll never die. Either way, Dr. Petrovich was not impressed with the people who filled me with illegal drugs.

So a couple of weeks later (June 13, 2007, for those historians who are taking note of this for future generations) I was back at the hospital at 8:45am for an Echo-Cardiogram. I was about 15 minutes late because, hey, that’s pretty early in the morning. And I never expect doctor appointments to start on time. But the woman passive-aggressively asked: “Do you know what time your appointment was for?” Receptionists never come out and just say: “You’re late. You’re a prick.” They always find some kind of passive-aggressive way of pointing it out. Anyway, I slipped into a sexy frontless gown, lay on my side and a medical technician named Dimitri put his arm over my body and rubbed a gel-coated metal probe over my heart for about 20 minutes. For most women and 10% of guys, this would have been a lot of fun. Perhaps even something to pay good money for. But for me, the only fun was getting to hear my heart beat. Not the regular “ba bump, ba bump” you hear when you put your ear to someone’s chest. (Not that I would ever do such a thing.) No, this is the kind of wet heartbeat where you can hear all the liquids sloshing around inside. Like when they listen to fetuses. It’s neat. I could have sworn I heard my heart say: “No more pot brownies! Slosh, slosh. And no more cheeseburgers while you’re at it! Slosh, slosh. And hey, it’s called ‘exercise.’ Try it sometime!” But that might have been just my imagination. At the end of it, Dimitri said he didn’t see anything wrong with my heart. Except that I obviously “love too much.” Haha! No, he didn’t say that. But I know he was thinking it. I could see it in his eyes.

Then I went for a cardiac stress test. A nice lady injected me with radiation. And then I had to lie on a slab while a big metal plate slowly moved around me for twenty minutes. This would have been a good time for a nap, except I had to have my arms raised above my head the whole time, which isn’t normally how I sleep. (FYI, I normally sleep on my side, curled up like a cute little ball, for anyone who is building a fan site about me and wants the inside scoop.)

Then I got two hours off. So I sat in the food court of the hospital, reading Metro and eating a sub. I wasn’t supposed to have any caffeine or any heavy foods. When I got back to the Cardio Ward, there was a new, Russian nurse and as we were walking to the injection room she said: “I hope you had a nice lunch... With no coffee or cola...” and I said: “Nope. Just a couple of cappuccinos.” She stopped in her tracks and almost had a heart attack herself. I quickly told her that I was joking. She recovered and said that I had retorted so quickly that she didn’t think I could have been joking. I started to explain about my extensive improv training but I think she had stopped listening to me altogether.

Anyway, she had to inject me again. She asked if I had a problem with needles. I said it’s not the most fun I can think of, but I’m ok. But she found it hard to find a place to inject me. Because I already had bruising from the two blood tests on the night of The Pot Brownie Incident ©2007, plus bruising from the morning’s injection, it was hard to find a vein. So she really had to jam it in there. And this time, she was inserting an IV thing that would stay in my arm. It really hurt. I got a bit dizzy and broke into a cold sweat. I think her and the other nurse were rolling their eyes and thinking I was a big baby and that I had lied to them about being able to tolerate needles. But it was my body reacting to the pain, not my brain. If my brain had had any say in it, I would have been off at the ScotiaBank Theatre (formerly The Paramount) watching the smash-hit blockbuster of the summer, Spider-Man 3, in full Imax glory. But my brain had no say in it. So I was dizzy and sweating. She told me to lie down, and she told another woman to get me a juice box. I should break into cold sweats more often, ‘cause I love juice boxes.

When I was ok to sit up again, the nurse had to shave parts of my chest so she could hook up electrodes to me. This was kind of kinky. In a disgusting sort of way. Chest hair is weird, actually. It's a lighter, fluffier texture than other hair. So it falls to the ground lightly. Gently. Like little angles descending from heaven. Little fuzzy, disgusting angels. But I digress. Back to the story, I got on the treadmill. At this point I remembered that I had a digital camera in my man-purse. I mean, in my manly sport bag. Because, hey, what better time to want a picture taken of oneself than when one is partly-shaven, wearing an open gown, hooked up to electrodes, injected with a radioactive IV and walking on a treadmill? What a great Facebook profile picture that would make, I thought. So many people put up pictures where they look “good.” What a cliché. So I asked the nurse (the Russian one had left, this was the juice box one I think) to take a picture of me. She said we should start the treadmill so that I’m really walking on it, otherwise people won’t believe it was real. Thanks, Nurse Spielberg. She took a picture, looked at on the camera screen, and then turned off the lights. I figured this was a medical thing, so that they could see my radiation or something. But the she took another picture, and then turned the lights back on. I realized that she had probably turned the lights off because she didn’t like the lights reflecting off my shiny head in the picture. Sigh…

So the treadmill was going along slowly and she asked how I’m doing and I said I was fine. I was pretty impressed with myself, actually. I was pretty sure I was beating all the 90 year-olds who have to do this treadmill test. She started cranking up the treadmill and then putting it on an angle and then I was running pretty fast on a very steep incline and ok, now I was starting to sweat and breathe heavy. She kept asking if I thought I could do another minute on it. I didn’t know why she was asking that. They never explain things. It was only later, when I was reading about this kind of test on the internet, that I learned that they need to have you run for one minute after they inject the radiation into you with the IV. So why didn’t she just say that? Why be cryptic? Nurses are like girlfriends.

Anyway, they injected more radiation into me… I kept running… I was dripping sweat and breathing hard and then I was done. She said she had had to stop the test because I was breathing so hard. Which made it sound like I sucked at the test. But another woman, the metal plate machine technician as she was walking me to the machine, said that I was really good at running on the treadmill and said that I must do that kind of thing at home. I said that, well, yes, I must admit, that when I do go to the gym I usually run on the treadmill for half an hour or even an hour and that while I don't normally do it on an incline, I do go pretty fast... But I think she had stopped listening to me. My clue was that she was no longer in the room. So I lay quietly in the machine again with my arms above my head. Regaling myself and my fellow patients down the hall with my armpit odour.

After the machine thing, they asked if I would be traveling soon, because the radiation would set off alarms in an airport. And they told me that I shouldn’t go near any pregnant women. I asked if the radiation would have any bad side effects. Like, say, give me cancer. Spielberg scoffed and said that I’m exposed to radiation every time I go outside in the sun. Hmmm… True. But as my friend Adrienne later pointed out, I’m allowed to go near pregnant women after I’ve been out in the sun.

When I got home I looked in the mirror at my chest and realized that I looked like a fuzzy block of Swiss cheese. So I shaved the rest of my chest. Which I’ve heard can enhance one’s muscular appearance. Except, I learned, when one is a flabby slob. In which case, one looks like a plucked frozen turkey.

So, anyway, we’ll see what happens. I’m kind of hoping that the radiation unleashed some superpowers in me, and that the next time I’m almost hit by a bus I’ll instinctively leap into the air and stick to the wall of a building. But so far, no sign of any powers. It’s true, I’m awesome in bed. But I was already awesome before. Haha! Just kidding. I’ve never been with a woman. I just hope I live long enough to maybe one day know what that’s like. I get the results on Tuesday.

I'm in the New York Times!

And surprisingly it's not because I've been arrested for a spectacularly dramatic/disturbing crime. No, it's just little ol' me spreading the word about going green. Check out the article here. Thanks go out to the excellent author - Martha C. White - for writing an entertaining and informative on a very important subject: environmentally-friendly hotels. Let's hope America pays attention!

Oh, and it's not just America who will be told what's what. This article is also running here in The Sydney Morning Herald in Australia and here in the International Herald Tribune and here in Spanish in some Sao Paulo newspaper. Thanks to that one, I'm going to have my business card title changed to "Josh Rachlis, redator de publicidade baseado em Toronto."

I'm huge in France. Me and Jerry Lewis.

Funny story: This morning at work my colleague Jason starts off a group meeting by telling us about his recent trip to France. He says he was in the middle of nowhere in France. Somewhere in the countryside. In a farmhouse. His little boy was acting up and Jason wanted to give the kid something to do. So Jason turned on the TV, which was hooked up to satellite. He found some French channel, and as he turned away from the TV, the first thing he heard was MY voice. He couldn't believe it. But he was positive he recognized my "bad Scottish accent," as he put it. So when his wife was going out with the child a few minutes later, Jason said he had to stay behind to see the credits. And sure enough, there was my name in the credits of Time Warp Trio, an educational cartoon being broadcast in France. I guess some French Discovery Channel Station of some sort picked up the show. I did the voice a couple of years ago, at least. Was playing some kind of Scottish explorer in the 1800's, I think. I've never even seen the show myself. I only had maybe five lines. I was only a tiny part of the half-hour show. But somehow... Across the ocean... In a deserted farmhouse in France... My colleague turned on the TV at the exact moment that those few lines were coming through the TV. I'm not sure what the point of my story is. And I didn't tell it in a very funny way. So maybe I was misleading by setting it up with "Funny Story." I'm sure you were hoping it involved me accidentally ingesting some kind of narcotic. So I'm sorry to disappoint. But man, it's just kind of neat.

Check out my letters about hybrid cabs in the Toronto Star and Metro, then write to Howard Moscoe and tell him you want them in Toronto!

Here they are:

http://www.thestar.com/article/217486

http://www.metronews.ca/letter.aspx?id=50368

Why'd I write them? Because this week I was delighted to see that NYC is converting all its taxis to hybrids. The benefits to the air New Yorkers breathe will be huge. And what was the immediate response from Councillor Howard Moscoe, who's in charge of licensing cabs in Toronto? Like a whiny baby, he says things like "stop picking on cabs" and "everyone else should have to drive a hybrid then." What? He's not even making any sense. Apparently, with the federal and provincial tax credits and rebates, a hybrid costs 30 grand now. And taxis would save 15 grand in gas a year. So it pays for itself in only two years. Plus, the city charges something like 300 grand for a taxi license. So all they'd have to do is offer a subsidy to taxis and whammo, they're all enviro-friendly. Is Howard being paid by the mob or something? Nothing else makes sense. Drop him a line and tell him you want Toronto to follow New York's lead. Now.

Howard Moscoe. City Hall 100 Queen Street West, Suite B30 Toronto, ON M5H 2N2 Phone: 416-392-4027 Fax: 416-392-4191 councillor_moscoe@toronto.ca

Why I spent 12 hours in the hospital Thursday (Also titled: Oh, you made pot brownies? How about also making a frickin sign that labels them as such?)

Since many of you are wondering what happened to me, here it is. I was at a party where the food was some chips and some brownies. I hadn't had dinner. I thought of eating dinner on the way to the party, but "Don't eat dinner," my friend Adrienne said. "There will be food at the party." So at the party I ate a lot of chips. And then, though I'm normally not a dessert guy, I ate a brownie. There were two trays of brownies. They were labelled "nuts" and "no nuts." I tried the "nuts" one. Because I love nuts. But nuts weren't enough to save this brownie. It tasted like crap. Almost like it had gone bad or something. But I finished it, 'cause I was hungry. And after the brownie I was still hungry. So I figured I'd try the "no nuts" one. I figured that maybe the "nuts" one had been store-bought, and the "no nuts" was homemade. Because they looked a bit different. But the "no nuts" tasted like crap too. And while I was forcing "no nuts" down, someone, said, hey did you know there's marajuana in those? (I assumed they meant in the "nuts" brownies, because otherwise they would have stopped me from eating the one I was eating.) I was like, WHAT? So I stormed over to the woman who made them. Let's call her "The Baker." While eating my "no nuts" brownie, I yelled at The Baker. "There's marajuana in those brownies? Why didn't you tell me? That's ridiculous! What's going to happen to me?" "Oh, calm down," The Baker responded, as I finished the last bite of my 'no nuts' brownie. "Nothing will happen," she added. And then she said, "And besides, if you're worried, why are you still eating them?" "WHAT???," I shrieked, though I'm sure it was hard to hear me over the Bon Jovi karaoke tune that was blasting. "There are drugs in the 'no nuts' ones too??? Why didn't you tell me???" This was ridiculous. These brownies had been carefully labeled "nuts" and "no nuts." But perhaps it would have been more important to label them "These contain large amounts of marajuana" and "These also contain large amounts of marajuana." I thought I should leave and go to a doctor or something but I was told that this was no big deal and that I should stay and party. I was told that the drugs would kick in after about an hour but nothing would really happen. After an hour, I felt a bit warm, but not too bad. So I went home, because I had a big day coming up at work and an audition at the end of the day for an animated show called "Poop Deck." I walked from the party to McDonald's and had 4 cheeseburgers, a small fries, and an orange juice. I got it "to go" but then I couldn't wait so I sat down and ate everything. Then I waited for a streetcar. A strange old homeless man with a broom was sweeping the sidewalk and swept some puddle water onto me. To be fair, he did say: "Here it comes!" just before sweeping it onto me. He was also on the streetcar with his broom, and got off at my stop. I'm still not quite sure if he was real or not. I wanted to poke him to see, but I didn't think that would be a good idea. But anyway, on the streetcar home, WHAM, the drugs hit me and I didn't know where I was. The streetcar had detoured off King onto Queen, which was abnormal. Combined with the drugs, it meant I couldn't get my bearings at all. I realized I was in trouble and made some calls to the people at the party and to a couple of people not at the party. But nobody was answering their phones. The messages I left were of me whispering "I took some drugs" or "The drugs are affecting me." I didn't want to say it too loudly lest I be kicked off the streetcar or arrested. The messages also all ended with: "I need help." or "Please help me." Somehow I stumbled up the street and got into my apartment (It's technically a "condo" but I'm just renting. So I don't like to say: "My condo" because it sounds misleading). I called my friends again. The only one who answered was my neighbour Maria who said she was sleeping and that I should just drink lots of water. So I went into the bathroom and drank lots of water. I left my front door unlocked in case I lost consciousness and help came. I also put on some some pants and a t-shirt, because I didn't want to be found in my underwear. Then I lay down on my bed for a minute thinking maybe I would be able to sleep but I kept snapping up and not knowing where I was, what day it was, what was going on. And my throat was closing up. Finally I called 911 (at least a couple of times, because I kept not knowing whether I'd really called them or not and I was afraid that I'd die while waiting for an ambulance I hadn't actually called). My cell rang and I was going to buzz whoever it was in, but then the call hung up. I thought that maybe I'd lost my last chance for assistance. But I guess somebody let them in, because a couple of ambulance guys finally came. I told them Maria told me to drink lots of water. They said I shouldn't do that. I was like, "Sh*t." They said it would dilute the tests they were going to do on me. I know that drugs make you paranoid, but I still think they were kind of laughing at me. I asked if they were going to take me to the hospital. They said they couldn't decide that for me. I asked how much it would cost. They said OHIP would pay for the care, but the ambulance would be 50 bucks. I figured my life was worth 50 bucks. It probably isn't, but it seemed to me like it was at the time. So I said to take me to the hospital. I probably said it more like: "TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL!!!" So they put me in their stretcher. A couple of cops showed up too, because one of my calls hadn't quite been completed. We all rode down in the elevator together. It was fun. Except for the fact that I was having a complete mental and physical melt-down. And also the ambulance guys were now laughing at me with the cops. My ambulance guys took me to the hospital in what was now MY stretcher. I convulsed in my stretcher for while in the hallway (safely strapped in, like Hannibal Lecter), moaning away and disturbing the other patients. I was told by a nurse, or maybe the ambulance guy, to breathe slower and less loud. A nice lady doctor fast-tracked me into a room because she noticed something weird happening with my heart-rate and saw my situation as pretty dire. I was hooked up to electrodes (which I later learned are hard to pull off from chest hair). They took urine and blood samples. They took some more blood at 8am, because the doctor said she needed an "8 hours after" test. When she asked me if I knew where I was, I said: "Toronto General Hospital." When she asked what day I thought it was, I said: "Thursday, May 17th..." "Good," she replied, making a note. "1883," I continued. "Ha ha, good one," she responded. But I don't think she really thought it was a good one. I thought it was pretty funny, though. (I think I picked that year because earlier this week I watched the old Back to the Future III trailer online, where they go back to the cowboy days. The trailer looks like awful, by the way.) Anyway, they turned off the light above me for a bit so I could "sleep." But it's hard to sleep when you have to pee. And when a PA system beside your head blasts out: "PAGING DOCTOR PETERS, YOU'RE WANTED IN HOSPICE!!!" every 15 seconds. I don't know what hospice is. But I know it's a pretty busy section of the hospital. And I know they're huge fans of Dr. Peters up there. I was finally released around noon. I had to remove my sexy, backless robe and find my way out of the hospital. The door led out to Gerrard. I'm never on Gerrard. Who goes to Gerrard? This, coupled with the lingering effects of the drugs, made for some confusion. I walked around downtown, not sure where the heck I was. Finally I figured out the right direction and made it home. But I have to go back to the cardio clinic in a couple of days because the nice lady doctor saw something on my EKG heart charts that concerned her. There are many ways i could have died last night. I could have walked into traffic... Had a heart attack... Suffocated on my constricting throat. It was the scariest experience in my life. But I'm alive. Still a bit dizzy. But alive. And I'm grateful to have friends and family who are concerned and who care. So thanks for asking.

Oh, and below are a couple of photos for visual reference. The first is the sign that was put beside the brownies AFTER I ate them. For future reference for anyone who throws a party, I think the key with placing warning signs like this is to put them beside the narcotic-laced desserts BEFORE people eat them.

The next photo is the receipt from McDonald's. This has great value and meaning, because it could have been my Final Meal. Which would have been sad. And also not environmentally-friendly. But at least, even in the midst of my complete mental meltdown, I had the presence of mind to keep the receipt. In case I needed to return the fries at some future date or something. (Side Note: Especially attractive is the little bit of caked-on "cheese" from one of the 4 burgers. Not sure how I let that bit get away. I was quite hungry.)

Please buy the 1/2 price CFL's at Cdn Tire this week... and post about it at my myspace!

below is what my ex-gf Jen (www.myspace.com/finnfisher) just posted on the www.myspace.com/joshrachlis blog, in response to my posting about the half-price sale on compact fluorescent bulbs at Canadian Tire that's happening right now from Friday to Saturday Jan 26. so if you know anyone who goes to get them for half-price and makes the switch, could you ask them to post something at www.myspace.com/joshrachlis and/or the blog at that page so that she can see people are doing it? that would be awesome.

here's jenn's posting:

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Just posting to let you know that - first of all - you are an environmental superhero!

I hope the masses realize the personal sacrifices you make to create a better world for all of us to live in!! I've personally witnessed (and have been seriously delayed enroute to various engagements with you ;)) how you bravely approach all idlers and polluters...you are wholly incapable of passing a single bit of recyclable detritus on the street.

Anyway - for all of that - I salute you. love you. respect you. It's hard work. And all of your efforts are NOT falling on deaf ears...which brings me to my second point...

I'm going to Canadian Tire this weekend...and I encourage everyone else to do the same! No - I demand that you do the same! For Josh. So that he can sleep easier at night.

My challenge to all who read this - It's called "The Josh Challenge." Go buy one pack of Nomas. Buy two. And pass it on. I have a special prize for the person that buys the most. Or, is responsible for having the most light bulbs changed (by telling family and friends, for example). Let's see if we can reach 357 bulb changes by Feb 1st. Why 357? Because they are nice prime numbers and prime numbers are lucky.

Post when you change. No fakers!

Until further notice, blog updates will now be at my myspace page!

I was just asked why I haven't updated my blog lately. Seems someone was hungry for Josh Rachlis News. So I thought I should let you know that I'll be updating my blog at myspace for a while. Why? Because myspace lets me post my videos right on the page... and I can have a background of pretty pictures... and I can post "Upcoming Gigs"... and it lets you add yourself as a friend. Which is fun. I like having friends! So I'm going to post the latest news there for now. So check out the blog at:

www.myspace.com/joshrachlis



Check me out!

Upcoming CFRB Hosting Gigs... Starting tomorrow night!

Here's when I'll be on the radio. You can listen at 1010 AM in Toronto or at www.cfrb.com on the web. Call in and share your views on whatever nonsense I'm discussing! :)

Friday June 9th 8p-11p

Friday June 16th 8p - 11p

Friday June 23rd 7p - 10p

Monday June 26th 8p - 11p

If I had a roof, this is what I would be doing tonight

On last night's CFRB show, it felt like I was starting to get the "let's clean our air" message out there. That felt good. So in that spirit, let's keep things going. Check out this great discount program for solar panels. Imagine having a big portion of your energy bills paid for by none other than Mr. Sun. One day I'll have a house and I will do this. In the meantime, if you have a roof, it's up to you...

http://www.chrischopik.com/4a_custpage_13421.html

And here's what it says at that page:

Solar Energy – EVENT – May 16th Wychwood Library 6:30pm

There are many opportunities to save money and reduce energy costs through Solar Energy. Our community is initiating a bulk purchase of solar panels and installation. This is the second initiative of it’s kind in Toronto.

Please join Marc Paille and Chris Chopik to explore the financial viability of installing Solar on your home.

ChrisChopik.com [Events]

TUESDAY, MAY 16TH AT 6:30PM the Wychwood Public Library (on Bathurst south of St Clair)